A Wild Hair

Stardate 201606140528

One of the toughest decisions that has plagued me lately is what to do with my hair.

The past 15 years or so, I’ve worn the tousled, spiky look. I think that look is dated though, right? By about ten years?

The Current State of My Hairs…I Mean Affairs

I have not had a haircut since we moved into our apartment in March. Check the stardate. That’s about three months. To look respectable, I really need to visit the stylist every month.

I’ve been using my beard trimmer to trim the sides. That got me through the second month. I did a really good job. Now as we approach that extra month mark, I’ve not kept up with it. I think it’s more than I can handle at this point.

Someone finally asked me last week if I had decided to let my hair grow out. My answer was, “sorta.”

In our previous apartment, I could walk over to the Boardroom. Someone there would give me a good cut and a beer. At $35 plus tip, it’s rather expensive by most guys’ standards. I was able to get it cut ever four weeks.

Then we moved to our previous house. I found a really nice lady near that house. She is an artist, very thorough. She realizes that her customers are her best marketing. After we leave, we are walking marquees of her greatness.  I felt great paying her $13 plus tip.

She was close enough that I could get my hair cut during lunch on my work from home days. There is really nothing near our current apartment, so here I sit Shaggy in Starbucks.

Here is a funny anecdote. We took some family pics outside the arena after my kid’s college graduation a few weeks ago. My kid sent me one of the pics. As I posted the picture to Facebook, I noticed that the combination of hair, humidity, wind and timing made it look like I was wearing a toupee. The next morning I woke up, and one of my friends had commented, “Not to take away from the celebration, but does it look like Shayne is wearing a hairpiece?”

Yeah. So…

Here are my options:

Stick with Spiky /Tousled

Pros:

• Wife likes it
• Looks cool on me

Cons:

• Dated
• Small window of function
• Maintenance

It’s dated, but my wife likes it.

But it’s dated. I don’t want to be dated. Granted, I don’t want to be dating, but I don’t want to be dated.

Note:  Since writing this, I talked to my wife.  She agreed it was time for a change and suggested I seek professional help.  I hope she meant for my hair.

It also requires more maintenance than I like. It has to be a certain length. otherwise, it either just doesn’t work, or it takes too long to mess with. I have to time my haircuts about a week before an event so that it grows into itself. Even that was when I had a stylist I trusted. Now that I’m between stylists…

When it’s too long, it just lies down mostly, but some parts will sort of curl up. It looks more curly than tousled. It looks like I need a haircut. It’s also too hot in the summer.

When it’s too short, only one side will spike. The other side doesn’t necessarily lie down. There’s just not enough of it to do anything noticeable.  The result is noticeable, but not in a good way.   I don’t think it’s physics. My hair at that length just doesn’t respond to outside influence.

I have to come up with something my wife likes, but something that’s not dated. Please allow me to rephrase that. I don’t have to. I want to come up with something my wife likes, but that isn’t dated.

Buzzed

Pros:

• Quick cut at barber
• Low maintenance
• Cool in summer

Cons:

• Wife doesn’t like it
• Not exactly high fashion

Buzzed is actually my favorite, mainly because it’s so easy. It dries quickly and easily after showers. There are zero options for combing, waxing or anything else.

Except for color. I could still color it, but that’s a conversation for a different paragraph.

Although subsequent trips to the stylist are quick, the first buzz does take some time if the barber makes sure to get all the strays.

My wife doesn’t like it though. She doesn’t treat me any differently or anything. She doesn’t even say anything after I do it. However, when we have conversations about hair, she says she likes it longer and spiky.

It’s not exactly high fashion. Let’s be honest. It’s pretty much a give up. It’s not as committed as shaving it. It’s pretty much a statement that I just don’t want to mess with it.

Buzzed is also not really the look I want.

Long

Pros:

• I like it
• Low maintenance after the awkward stage

Cons:

• Nobody likes it
• The Awkward stage
• Maintenance

In my early twenties and early thirties, I had shoulder-length hair. I don’t mind telling you that it was awesome. I always used good shampoos and conditioners. I never used a blow dryer. It was healthy, shiny and wonderful.

For some reason though, people are really opposed to guys with long hair. I’ve never understood that. I’m not really concerned about what other people think of my hair though. Even though most hate it, it is fashionable to a few of us. It’s not that I don’t care what anybody thinks about me. I just don’t care what most people think about me. Nobody has time for that.

The primary reason I don’t grow my hair long is that awkward stage. The twelve or so months when your hair is too long to be short, but not long enough to be long. When it constantly looks like you need a haircut. My hair is kinda curly, so it has really nice body when it’s long, but it is completely unruly during while growing. It’s the awkward stage.

It’s also a little more maintenance. It takes longer to dry. It gets in the way. I’ve never taken TaekWonDo with long hair, so I don’t know what that is like.

Shaved

Pros:

• It’s a popular look now
• It’s clean and tidy

Cons:

• Sharp razors
• Maintenance
• Sunburn
• I would probably look ridiculous

It’s been a popular look for about a decade now. It’s a clean, tidy look. It’s efficient. A lot of awesome villains are bald.

If I thought for even a second that I’d look like Corey Stoll in “Ant-Man” or Joe Bastianich, I’d do it in a second. I’d be lucky to end up looking like Kevin Spacey in “Superman Returns.” I’d probably make a bald Jesse Eisenberg look good. I would probably look more like a pasty Shrek.

Also, I hate shaving my face, so why would I scrape my entire head with a razor?

Ouch.

I’d have to wear a hat or apply sunscreen to my entire head, which would be okay if I looked like Heisenburg.

So here I am, not knowing what to do. I’m looking shaggy and unkempt. Who wants to listen to a guy with unkempt hair? The temps are creeping up through the nineties now that it’s June in Texas.

I’ve now invested almost 1,200 words to my hair dilemma. It’s trivial. I’m sure it was no help to you. I hope you at least found it diverting, if not entertaining.

Are there any supposedly trivial matters that trouble you? Tell us in a comment. Don’t be shy. Let’s lighten up a bit today and talk about a topic that’s not so heavy. Feel free to make fun of me. You won’t be the only one.