Hesitant about gatherings (and shopping!) this holiday season? Laugh your way into the holiday spirit with these delightful Christmas puns!
What’s Better Than Ugly Christmas Sweaters and Candied Yams?
Christmas Puns Are “The Gift That Keeps on Giving the Whole Year”
What cousin Eddie said about the Jelly of the Month Club is also true about Christmas puns.
Let someone else be the drunk aunt. That’s the wrong kind of Christmas spirit! Don’t be the one who won’t stop talking about politics at the Christmas party. You can be the fun cousin who has everyone rolling with these funny Christmas puns!
Now, I’m not saying that these are the best Christmas puns. Wait. Yes, I am!
Feel free to amaze and amuse your online friends by sharing this page or share these funny Christmas jokes individually. PPlease print a copy to keep them handy for your holiday shindigs!
The Best Puns Jokes Are Dad Jokes!
The current brightest star in the cheesy humor sky has to be dad jokes. Dads, follow this star and boost your dad joke game by bringing the gift of laughter to all the children of the world! Keep these hilarious Christmas puns handy.
They’re a great way to keep gatherings cheerful and fun, though!
Have snow fear. Dad jokes are here!
I love the holidays. It’s the most pun-derful time of the year!
We whisk you a merry Christmas.
You may think you don’t like Christmas Dad Jokes, but yule laugh.
Elves drink a lot of bottled water at the North Pole. There’s “No well, No well, the angels did say.”
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa Claus when they saw the dark clouds?
It looks like rain, dear!
There’s snow place like home for the holidays.
Sometimes elves disagree about how to deliver presents, but Santa has final sleigh.
What did Santa say to the elf who almost fell out of the sleigh?
Ho ho ho hold on!
Dad jokes are the best thing since sliced (ginger) bread!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ’ho ho ho’!
What’s the first thing Santa’s little helpers learn in school?
The elf-abet.
I don’t eat broken candy canes. I prefer them in mint condition.
The North Pole doesn’t rely on any import because it’s Elf-sufficient.
Santa’s elves have plenty of photos for their scrapbooks because they’re constantly snapping pictures with their North Pole-aroid cameras.
Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
They want to sleep like a log.
I enjoy Hallmark Christmas movies. They’re always so Santa-mental.
A broken drum is always a great Christmas gift. It simply can’t be beat!
As Shakespeare said, “To thine own elf be true.”
This Christmas feast is delicious! Let’s give the cook(s) a round of Santa-plause.
Yule miss the holidays after they’re gone!
Everyone was suspicious of the dish my cousin in the CIA brought to Christmas dinner. We thought they might be mince spies.
I wonder if Santa tells Santa jokes.
Hang These Chrismas Puns’ Round Your Tree
You should put up a tree this Christmas season, if only for the chance to use these puns!
It’s gonna be a great Christmas, fir sure!
Your Christmas tree decorations look absolutely tree–mendous!
The most popular class at North Pole High School is Chemis-tree. (I think that’s also Santa’s favorite subject.)
It’s about time to spruce things up.
Get enough holiday cheer, and you’ll feel just pine.
This tree isn’t the only thing getting lit!
I do consider myself a Christmas Tree-hugger!
At night, our tree is a crime-fighting vigilante. During the day, it’s Spruce Wayne.
Mom kept adding more and more decorations to the tree. She couldn’t just leaf it alone.
Decorating our Christmas tree seemed chaotic for everyone this year. It was a tree-for-all!
Our Christmas tree decorations this year are pure poet-tree!
Some of these Christmas tree puns are tinsel-ting my intelligence.
Christmas Puns About Santa
No list of Christmas puns is complete unless it has a few jokes about the big guy himself!
It’s much different when Santa hits the sack on Christmas Eve.
Kris Kringle doesn’t like confined spaces. He’s Claus-trophobic.
Santa’s sleigh goes so fast he has to hang on for rein-deer life!
St. Nick is being safe after Covid and using plenty of Santa-tizer.
Santa’s favorite swimming spot has to be the North Pool.
An elf who quits Santa’s workshop is a rebel without a Claus.
Santa is contractually obligated to deliver presents. It’s clearly stated in the Santa clause.
Kris Kringle has always enjoyed sliding down chimneys. It says it just soots him.
What did the English teacher call santa’s helpers? My English teacher told me that Santa’s elves are a group of subordinate clauses.
Last year St Nick somehow ended up at the South Pole. He was a lost Claus.
Santa’s beard is so long because he’s constantly cutting himself while shaving. It’s why we call him Saint Nick!
They served Christmas dinner in the Saint Nick of time.
“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.”
–Bob Phillips
Need a Christmas Instagram Caption or 21?
The jolliest time of year deserves lots of laughs. Twitter seriously needs help! Help spread a little holiday humor on your favorite social media platform. Instagram seems to be the happier platform, so try out these puns for a few of your Instagram captions.
All the jingle ladies, all the jingle ladies! (If you liked it, then you shoulda put five golden rings on it.)
Holding on for deer life!
Here comes Santa Paws!
Snow place like ho ho ho home!
Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
Believe in your elf! (For those Elf on the Shelf pics)
The kids are in bed. Finally, a Silent Night!
After a day of Christmas shopping, I can finally take a Santa pause.
We go together like peppermint Schnapps and hot chocolate,
Resting Grinch face.
But wait—there’s myrrh.
Time for a cute elfie!
Mince pies before guys.
Up to snow good.
Christmas really is a magical time of year. We just watched all our money magically disappear.
Birch better have my presents!
It’s the most wine-derful time of the year.
Single bells, single bells, single all the way.
Jingle bells, Zinfandels, need more cabernet.
It’s the most wonderful time for a beer.
“Take me down to the Santa Claus city…”
Clever Christmas Puns and Jokes About Animals
There’s no better time to treat (and show off) your pets than the holidays. If you post any pics of your pets this season, you’re welcome to use these puns and jokes as captions. Tag me @indy.hayhay on Instagram or @indyhayhay on Twitter.
Yeti or not, Christmas will be here soon!
What did the ewe say to her lambs for Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!
All I want for Christmas is ewe!
What do dogs say for Christmas?
Fleas Navidad.
Fa La La La La, La La Llama.
Who delivers Christmas presents to kittens?
Santa Paws.
I wonder if the beaches at the North Pole have very many jolly-fish.
Deer to dream!
Merry Fish-mas!
It’s penguining to look a lot like Christmas.
All the baby sharks go to be early on Christmas Eve, eagerly awaiting the arrival of Santa Jaws.
Dachshund through the snow.
Baby wolverines can’t wait to see what presents they find Christmas morning from Santa Claws.
The Clauses obviously named their puppy Santa Paws.
Feliz Navi-dog!
A cow’s holiday greeting: ”Heifer self a merry little Christmas!
Turkeys are invited asked to join the band. They’ve got drum sticks!
16 Reindeer Jokes and Puns
Everyone gets to play reindeer games around here. These reindeer jokes will utterly sleigh you! Yes, reindeer are animals too. However, I think that they deserve their own section this time of year!
Your friends will be hoofing it to hear these jokes!
Mind your manners. Your behavior is quite Rude-olph!
What kind of cowboys work on a reindeer ranch?
Jolly Ranchers.
Why did the reindeer want to visit the orthodontist?
He was self-conscious about his buck teeth.
How does Santa’s crew keep up with their busy work schedule?
They use a calen-deer.
Why does Santa hug his reindeer often?
They are near and deer to his heart!
How did the reindeer react to finding out he had fleas?
It really ticked him off!
Why are reindeer so good at musical chairs?
Because up on a housetop reindeer pause.
What do reindeers put on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments.
Which reindeer game was Rudolph glad he couldn’t play?
Truth or deer.
What is the reindeer’s favorite household cleaner?
Comet.
Who was the worst about calling Rudolph names?
Olive, the other reindeer.
What’s the difference between the knight and the reindeer?
“The knight is sleighing the dragon, and the reindeer are dragon the sleigh!”
Why do reindeer meditate so often?
They’re trying to reach Blit-zen.
Who leads the sleigh of the Atlantisian Santa?
Ru-dolphin.
(That joke has no porpoise here.)
Where do Santa’s reindeer go if they lose their tails?
A re-tail shop.
Why do reindeer wear watches?
Santa wanted to see time fly.
Funny Christmas Card Messages
I hope you love the present you told me to buy for you.
May your gifts be many, and your returns and exchanges be few.
Another Christmas already? Seriously, what the elf?
Santa saw your Facebook – you’re getting a dictionary this year!
May all your sweaters be ugly and bright!
I can’t brie-lieve how cheesy this Christmas card is. As always, spreading love and cheer!
I spent a long time choosing the perfect Christmas card that will look good in your garbage.
Keep Calm and jingle all the way.
It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.
Congratulations – you’ve won a Major Award! (Shout out to A Christmas Story!)
The Grinch is my Patronus.
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!”
-The Code of Elves
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
-Johnny Carson
Dark Christmas Jokes?
I’ve heard (and used) a few Christmas puns that may have been a little dark. I hope these don’t offend anybody. Here is my gift to you to make it a little easier for those who enjoy being offended. For example, who doesn’t love a good Darth Vader Christmas joke?
How does Darth Vader prefer his Christmas roast to be prepared?
On the dark side.
What do you call a blind reindeer?
No-eye deer.
What do you call a reindeer ghost?
Cari-boo!
Why shouldn’t you eat Christmas decorations?
You might get tinsel-it is.
What do reindeer take for a hangover?
Elk-a-seltzer.
What would you call Santa if he accidentally fell into the fireplace?
Krisp Kringle.
What do you call a Christmas gift after it dies?
The Ghost of Christmas Present.
I hope you’ve enjoyed these punderful puns and jolly jokes!
Question: Which are your favorite Christmas puns?
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