331 Funny Halloween Sayings, Quotes and Jokes

If you need a great idea (or 300) for Halloween party invitations, social media posts, or funny texts, then you’ll howl at these funny Halloween sayings.

You’ll Howl at These Funny Halloween Sayings!

Halloween tops my reasons why Fall is my favorite season. As much as I love Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve, Halloween night is my favorite night. That may be because Halloween marks the beginning of the holidays, and New Year’s Eve brings the holiday season to a close.

Whatever the reason for loving All Hallows’ Eve, getting into the Halloween spirit rolls right into the spirit of the rest of the holidays.

Halloween gives you permission to be a little less mature. It’s not simply okay to dress up. Dressing up is encouraged. Halloween is a great time to make crude jokes and talk about creepy-cool topics, to turn a bowl of grapes into a bowl of eyeballs.

This time of year gives you the latitude to explore the dark and creepy. You get to have fun with things like vampires and ghosts. People might think you’re weird if you’re talking about witches and mummies in July. I know this from monthly personal experience.

13 Famous Halloween Quotes

While many of the quotes are creepy or scary, Halloween is one of the most fun days of the year. So you’ll find plenty happy Halloween quotes too. Let’s start with a Halloween quote from the happiest place on earth!

“Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion. I am your host, your ghost host. Kindly step all the way in please, and make room for everyone. There’s no turning back now. Our tour begins here in this gallery, where you see paintings of some of our guests as they appeared in their corruptible, mortal state.”

– Ghost Host, Disney’s Haunted Manion ride

William Shakespeare wrote the most famous Halloween quote of all.

“Double, double toil and trouble;
fire burn and cauldron bubble.”

– William Shakespeare, Macbeth

“By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.”
–William Shakespeare, Macbeth

The best quotes are the ones that capture the essence of Halloween even if we can’t completely explain why. Mary Shelley wrote an excellent example of that.

“There is something at work in my soul, which I do not understand.”

– Mary Shelley, Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus

“When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, may luck be yours on Halloween.”
– Unknown

“Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see.”
– Edgar Allan Poe

“Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat, call in the spirits, wherever they’re at!”
– Madame Leota, Disney’s Haunted Mansion ride

“Every day is Halloween, isn’t it? For some of us.”
– Tim Burton

“We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones.”
– Stephen King

“Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.”
– Stephen King, The Shining

“Where there is no imagination there is no horror.”
– Arthur Conan Doyle, A Study in Scarlet

13 Cute Halloween Quotes

“There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people:
religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.”
– Linus, It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

“When the witches go riding,
and black cats are seen,
the moon laughs and whispers
’tis near Halloween.”
– Unknown

“The dead rise again, bats fly, terror strikes and screams echo, for tonight it’s Halloween.”
– Unknown

“Tonight the Great Pumpkin will rise out of the pumpkin patch.
He flies through the air and brings toys to all the children of the world.”
– Linus, It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

“Ghosts and goblins come to play on October’s final day.”
– Rusty Fischer

“We’re all mad here.”
– Cheshire Cat, Alice in Wonderland

“They’re creepy and they’re kooky, mysterious, and spooky. They’re all together ooky. The Addams Family.”
– theme from The Addams Family

“You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”
– Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”
– L. M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

“There is a child in every one of us who is still a trick-or-treater looking for a brightly-lit front porch.”
– Robert Brault

“On Halloween, witches come true; Wild ghosts escape from dreams. Each monster dances in the park.”
– Nick Gordon

“When witches go riding, and black cats are seen, the moon laughs and whispers, ’tis near Halloween.”

“Werewolves howl.
Phantoms prowl.
Upon us now.”
– Richelle E. Goodrich, Slaying Dragons

13 Funny Halloween Quotes

A funny Halloween quote is a great way to lift your spirits and get you ready to celebrate! Enjoy a few funny quotes to get ready for October 31st.

“There are several prominent ghosts who have retired here from creepy old crypts all over the world. Actually, we have 999 happy haunts here — but there’s room for 1,000. Any volunteers? (Laughs.) If you insist on lagging behind, you may not need to volunteer.”

– Ghost Host, Disney’s Haunted Mansion ride

“I’ll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.”
– Charles S. Swartz

“I can think of nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night…”
– Steve Almond, Candyfreak

“A mask tells us more than a face.”
– Oscar Wilde, Irish Poet

“I don’t know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids”
– Robert Brault

“Sticky fingers, tired feet; one last house, trick or treat!”
– Rusty Fischer

“Halloween is a day in which some people choose to wear a mask… while others finally feel safe to take theirs off.”
– Steve Maraboli

“Last Halloween was bad for me. I got beat up. I went to a party dressed as a piñata.”
– Jim Samuels

“Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, ‘Never take candy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for it.'”
– Rita Rudner

“Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps its brain?”
– Arthur Weasley, in J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Especially Funny When the Addams Are Involved

“I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else.”
– Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family

“I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.”-
– Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family

“You frightened me. Do it again!”
– Morticia Addams, The Addams Family

13 Halloween Inspirational Quotes

“Halloween is not only about putting on a costume, but it’s about finding the imagination and costume within ourselves.”
– Elvis Duran, Radio Show Personality

“I love Halloween, and I love that feeling: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking in every corner.”
– Evan Peters

“Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story.”
– Mason Cooley

“On Halloween, you get to become anything that you want to be.”
– Ava Dellaira

“Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen. Voices whisper in the trees, ‘tonight is Halloween!'”
– Dexter Kozen

“Halloween wraps fear in innocence, as though it were a slightly sour sweet. Let terror, then, be turned into a treat.”
– Nicholas Gordon

“Villainy wears many masks, none so dangerous as the mask of virtue.”
– Ichabod Crane, Sleepy Hollow

Inspirational Quotes From Our Favorite Books

“I had always been proud of my mom. So she’d never back cookies, or sew a Halloween costume, but she could fight monsters. She was tough and smart, and maybe she didn’t read bedtime stories, but she had taught me to defend myself against the things that lurked under beds.”
– Rachel Hawkins, School Spirits

“A house is never still in darkness to those who listen intently; there is a whispering in distant chambers, an unearthly hand presses the snib of the window, the latch rises. Ghosts were created when the first man woke in the night.”
– J.M. Barrie, The Little Minister

“They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.”
– Edgar Allan Poe, The Tell-Tale Heart

“Listen to them—the children of the night. What music they make!”
– Bram Stoker, Dracula

“There is something haunting in the light of the moon; it has all the dispassionateness of a disembodied soul, and something of its inconceivable mystery.”
– Joseph Conrad, Lord Jim

“I like the night. Without the dark, we’d never see the stars.”
– Stephenie Meyer, Twilight

13 Halloween Jokes to Get Your Bones Rolling (or Groaning)

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Halloween party?

Because he had no body to go with!

What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?

I Scream.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?


Wanda who?

Wanda witch who?

Wanda Witch you a happy Halloween!

Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!

What do you call two witches sharing an apartment?


What kind of music do mummies love?

Wrap music.

Why don’t vampires have more friends?

Because they are a pain in the neck.

Why don’t mummies take time off?

They’re afraid to unwind.

Where do baby ghosts go to learn?

Day scare!

Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!

What do witches ask for at hotels?

Broom service!

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A nectarine!

What do you get when you divide the circumference of your jack-o’-lantern by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi.

13 Great Movie Lines for Halloween

There are enough horror movies for pages of creepy Halloween quotes. Here are a few of my faves, starting with my favorite supernatural creature!

“I’m a ghost with the most, babe.”

– Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

“Never trust the living.”
– Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

“Oh come on. It’s just a bunch of hocus pocus.”
– Max, Hocus Pocus

“Besides, it’s a full moon outside. The weirdos are out!”
– Dani, Hocus Pocus

“Oh look, another glorious morning. Makes me sick!”
– Winifred Sanderson, Hocus Pocus

“Don’t make me get my flying monkeys.”
– Wicked Witch of the West, The Wizard of Oz

“You know it’s Halloween; I guess everyone’s entitled to one good scare.”
– Mr. Bracket, Halloween

“Isn’t the view beautiful? It takes my breath away. Well, it would if I had any.”
– Emily, Corpse Bride

“Louis: Vampires pretending to be humans, pretending to be vampires.
Claudia: How avant-garde.”
– Louis and Claudia, Interview with The Vampire

“I’ve got friends on the other side”
– Dr. Facilier, The Princess and the Frog

“I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death.”
– Severus Snape, Harry Potter

“Be afraid, be very afraid.”
The Fly

“Whatever you do, don’t fall asleep.”
– Nancy, Nightmare on Elm Street

162 Funny Halloween Sayings

Feel free to use these funny Halloween sayings for anything you like.

Halloween Instagram Captions

These cute Halloween sayings will make great captions for Instagram.

– If you’ve got it, haunt it.

– Resting Witch Face.

– We go together like candy and corn.

– Keep calm and carry a wand.

– Feelin’ fang-cy.

– Witch, please.

– Too ghoul for school.

– I’m the ghost-ess with the mostest.

– I’m one, haunt mess.

– Absolutely gourd-geous.

– I really fang-cy him/her/them.

– Owl always love spending time with my friends.

– Shake your BOOty.

– Magic is something you make.

– #couplescostumeghouls

– Boo-in it for the ‘gram.

– What’s up, witches?

– Cheers, witches!

– Go big or gourd home.

– I’m a savage. Creepy, eerie, scary!

– Feeling wicked, might delete later.

– I love my [friend] a pumpkin spice latte.

– Hay, pumpkin!

– Only a little bit batty.

– I’m a haunted mess.

– Psst…This isn’t a costume.

– Hocus Pocus and chill.

– Not every witch lives in Salem.

– Can I witch a ride? My broomstick broke.

– This witch likes wine.

– Need a Coffin Break

– Never fully dressed without a wand.

– Let’s get spooky.

– Me-wow.

– Scream queen.

– Pumpkin spice and everything fright!

– Yes, I can drive a stick. (With a wand or a broom.)

– Queen of the screams.

– Not today, Satan.

– My blood type is Coffee.

– Low-key looking like Loki.

Homemade Halloween Cards

Here is a collection of funny halloween sayings that you can use to make homemade cards.

– I’d kill for a bag full of candy. Happy Halloween wishes!

– You’ll always be my boos.

– Bugs and hisses to my witches!

– Boo Crew!

– If the broom fits, fly it.

– Witching you a Happy Halloween.

– You say witch like it’s a bad thing.

– You scream, we scream, we all scream for Halloween!

– Howl you doing?

– Bugs and hisses.

– Have a fa-boo-lous Halloween!

– Be witched!

– Happy Meowlloween!

– Happy Howl-oween.

– Bats off to you!

– Stay spooky!

– You’ve got me under your spell.

– Practice safe hex.

– Everybody is scared of something. I hope you find yours!

– Wishing you a spook-tacular Halloween and a great fall season this year! Happy Haunting!

– “There is magic in the night when pumpkins glow by moonlight.”

– Wishing you a haunting night.

– Have a Fang-tastic Halloween!

– Home is where the haunt is.

– Happy Hallow-scream

– Hello, bootiful.

– We go together like candy and corn.

– A candy a day keeps the monsters away.

– Why did the black cat cross the street? To give you bad luck!

– This letter is sealed with a vampire kiss and bite.

– Have a killer Halloween!

Halloween Party Invitations

These funny Halloween sayings will make great Halloween party invitations.

– Eat, drink, and be SCARY!

– Fangs for the memories.

– Just a couple of spooky folks haunting this house.

– I’d never ghost my ghouls.

– Boo from the crew.

– I can’t be held responsible for stolen candy.

– It’s going to be a boo-tiful night.

– Mons-terrific

– Let’s get spooky.

– Witch way to the party?

– Witch way to the candy?

– Ready, set, ghoul!

– Pumpkin spice and everything nice.

– This is where the magic happens.

– The haunt is on.

– Feel Like Makin’ a Deal With the Devil?

– Caution! Black cat crossing.

– Are you afraid of the dark?

– You’re in ghoul company.

– It’s Hallo-scream!

– Got Treats?

– Creepin’ it real!

– Let the gourd times roll.

– What a boo-tiful costume

– Have a funky gourd time!

– If you can’t stir with the big girls, then stay away from the cauldron.

– Let’s give them pumpkin to talk about.

– Where my ghouls at?

– Creature feature.

– Everything’s better with a little magic.

– Wanna wait up for the Great Pumpkin with me?

– Stop in for a spell.

– Free flying lessons! BYOB. (Bring Your Own Broom)

– Blood Donors Needed. See the Count.

– Trick or tequila!

Halloween Facebook status updates

– Witch better have my candy.

– Keep calm and scare on.

– I’m here for the BOOze.

– Just witchful thinking.

– Hocus Pocus, I need coffee to focus.

– Straight Outta Salem.

– Halloween and chill?

– It’s the season to trick-or-treat yourself.

– A real witch is nothing without her ghoul friends.

– Having a bloody good time

– Pumped for pumpkins.

– My broomstick runs on scares.

– Straight Outta Coffin.

– Bone Appétit.

– Oh my gourd, Becky, look at her bat.

– Only bad witches can drive stick.

– I cannot be held responsible for any missing candy.

– Get in loser, we’re going haunting. (from Mean Ghouls)

– Howl about them apples?

– Let me be Frankenstein real quick. I love my friends.

– Who runs the world? Ghouls.

– Get yourself a handsome\pretty puppy. He\She\They will never ghost you.

– I said Brrr… it’s cold in here. There must be some spirits in the atmosphere! (Shout out to Bring it On!)

– If you think I’m a witch, you should meet my sister.

– Stay creepy!

– Ghouls just wanna have fun!

– I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I’m dressing up as a phone battery at 2%!

– Drink up, Witches!

– I don’t celebrate Halloween, I am Halloween.

– Just a little batty.

– Do You Believe in Ghosts?

– Don’t make me drop a house on you. (Shout out to The Wizard of Oz!)

– Which witch is which?

– Let’s do the Monster Mash!

– You’re freaking meowt.

– Hocus pocus, I need coffee to focus.

– This witch can be bribed with chocolate.

– Feeling witchy on All Hallows’ Eve.

– Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern.

– Forget the ghosts. Beware of me!

– I don’t live in darkness. Darkness lives in me.

– I am the pumpkin king! (Shout out to Jack Skellington)

Punny Funny Halloween Sayings

– While most of these funny Halloween sayings are excellent puns, these are petrifyingly punny!

– I’ve been pumpkin iron at the gym.

– Mummies the word.

– Werewolves are fur real.

– Broom parking. Violators will be toad.

– Not going to eat candy? That’s witchful thinking.

– Too gourd to be true.

– Drop dead gourd-geous!

– Bad and Boo-jee.

– You cant always get what you wand.

– Forever your Zom-bae.

– Too ghoul to be true.

– Let the ghoul times roll.

– Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.


Which are your favorite funny Halloween sayings?

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